In the world...

In the world...
Originally uploaded by rav_rav.

a truly magical place

im all sooky

its that time of the month, i have an exam next week and i have no time to study, and now jyames informs me that "everyone" is going to a doof on sunday night down in nth NSW... the doof that i knew about a month ago and was itching to go to but couldnt find anyone who wanted to go.

and lucky me has to work on monday... why... how convenient!!

im feeling very sooky because EVERY time i have time to go out, everyone else is either too busy or too poor.
but EVERY time everyone else has time to go out... im busy or working or have exams.

im serious... it goes like this... a month ago i was itching to go out to the valley and have a boogie, but everyone i called (around 10 people) were either busy, or working, and most were broke.

2 weeks later the girls get together to go out on a saturday night, and they ask little old me if i would like to come.
well, i cant... im working and have a fucking exam to study for.

*sigh* i should either get used to going out alone or get myself a better schedule.

psychology

studying for my 30% midsemestter which is on momday morning.
who could have thought psychology could be so damn interesting...

currently studying learning and response mechanisms, riveting stuff.

actually, my head hurts and im procrastinating. ive been studying for over 7 hours now.

spade and shovel

spade and shovel
Originally uploaded by asterope.

this is a classic photo, taken on my old nikkormat FTn, around 1996.
i cant help but laugh when i see this picture:)

cram-sesh

still no sign or a peep out of ame, jyames seems to be quite happy though. we seem to be finding eachothers casual company enjoyable again.

got a psych exam next monday, 30%. i have alot of study to do this weekend i think. its multiple choice, which while i do like as its easy and requires no writing, is annoying when the question/answers are worded strangely or there is more than one viable answer for the question... no part marks makes for much annoyance!

starting the stats project soon, and also doing an essay on 2 historical statistical figures. then of course there is the exam...

2nd chemistry midsemester coming up... more study to do!

such a busy booky life!!

a little happiness in the sorrow

jyames is not pissed off!! yay!!!

guilt and sorrow pt.2

it seems that no-one is happy about the situation that has passed.
sis is pissed with me and thinks im a hippocrite (about what, i do not know)
ame is pissed off because she didnt get me all to herself last night, which she has no right to be because she could have just said no to jyames joining us. she now tells me that she thinks this whole thing was premeditated and that i organised it with jyames somehow... the only thing i was premeditating last night was to get some sleep before uni!!
i think jyames is pissed off because he felt left out and used, but i cant tell wether he was upset about it or happy about the situation anyway (its a pretty good 25th birthday present!!)

and i am unhappy because one of the biggest milestones of my sexual life has just happened and it was ruined straight away.
the one time anything spontaneous happens to me and it all goes down the shitter. i shouldnt be feeling bad or guilty or crap about this... i should be feeling "wow! that was so cool!" instead im feeling "this should never have happened..."

i spoke to carly about it and she thinks that ursula is probably feeling so pissed off with me because now she knows how i felt when she would bring strange guys home and wake me up in the middle of the night. its intrusive and makes you feel uncomfortable... but i learnt to deal with her boyfriends, first time anything happens to me in this house and i get my throat ripped out.

im pretty sure now that even if i have the chance to do something like this again, i wont take it... too many people ruined it for me the first time, who says it wont happen again? Its always bad being the bi one, you try have a good time but just end up hurting everyone in the end.

update on guilt and sorrow

seems i cant do anything right... woo is seriously pissed with me and thinks im the worlds biggest hippocrite, ame is upset because she had to share me and didnt want to, and jyames is pissed because he felt left out and like a dick on legs...

i think if i let this whole thing get to me like its starting to, then im going to be scarred for life and probably never have sex again...

i cant ever do anything right :(

great feelings of guilt and sorrow

i just had my very first 3some... you would think that would be cause for happiness and joy.
im feeling very guilty as my sister has told me i am the biggest hipocrite in history... and i feel it too.

though strangely enough, i was trying to be very accomodating to her bringing a different guy home every night... if you bring them home then let me know so i can go stay somewhere else. sure it pissed me off when i was awoken from my sleep thinking that the house was falling down, but... she brought them home and i tried to put up with it.

the first and last time i bring someone/s home i get called the worlds biggest hippocrite and any happiness i may have had has just gone down the drain...

i dont think im a bad person, it was a spur of the moment thing... but i sure feel like the worlds biggest asshole.
im pretty sure shes not going to talk to me for a while, maybe years, and will probably move, or ask me to leave.
i understand... maybe i am a bad person.