guilt and sorrow pt.2
it seems that no-one is happy about the situation that has passed.
sis is pissed with me and thinks im a hippocrite (about what, i do not know)
ame is pissed off because she didnt get me all to herself last night, which she has no right to be because she could have just said no to jyames joining us. she now tells me that she thinks this whole thing was premeditated and that i organised it with jyames somehow... the only thing i was premeditating last night was to get some sleep before uni!!
i think jyames is pissed off because he felt left out and used, but i cant tell wether he was upset about it or happy about the situation anyway (its a pretty good 25th birthday present!!)
and i am unhappy because one of the biggest milestones of my sexual life has just happened and it was ruined straight away.
the one time anything spontaneous happens to me and it all goes down the shitter. i shouldnt be feeling bad or guilty or crap about this... i should be feeling "wow! that was so cool!" instead im feeling "this should never have happened..."
i spoke to carly about it and she thinks that ursula is probably feeling so pissed off with me because now she knows how i felt when she would bring strange guys home and wake me up in the middle of the night. its intrusive and makes you feel uncomfortable... but i learnt to deal with her boyfriends, first time anything happens to me in this house and i get my throat ripped out.
im pretty sure now that even if i have the chance to do something like this again, i wont take it... too many people ruined it for me the first time, who says it wont happen again? Its always bad being the bi one, you try have a good time but just end up hurting everyone in the end.
sis is pissed with me and thinks im a hippocrite (about what, i do not know)
ame is pissed off because she didnt get me all to herself last night, which she has no right to be because she could have just said no to jyames joining us. she now tells me that she thinks this whole thing was premeditated and that i organised it with jyames somehow... the only thing i was premeditating last night was to get some sleep before uni!!
i think jyames is pissed off because he felt left out and used, but i cant tell wether he was upset about it or happy about the situation anyway (its a pretty good 25th birthday present!!)
and i am unhappy because one of the biggest milestones of my sexual life has just happened and it was ruined straight away.
the one time anything spontaneous happens to me and it all goes down the shitter. i shouldnt be feeling bad or guilty or crap about this... i should be feeling "wow! that was so cool!" instead im feeling "this should never have happened..."
i spoke to carly about it and she thinks that ursula is probably feeling so pissed off with me because now she knows how i felt when she would bring strange guys home and wake me up in the middle of the night. its intrusive and makes you feel uncomfortable... but i learnt to deal with her boyfriends, first time anything happens to me in this house and i get my throat ripped out.
im pretty sure now that even if i have the chance to do something like this again, i wont take it... too many people ruined it for me the first time, who says it wont happen again? Its always bad being the bi one, you try have a good time but just end up hurting everyone in the end.
1 Comments:
Sorry for being creepy, but I'm bored and have read through the archives of my LJ already - just found this through your flickr account...
I know this is an old entry, and you've probably already gone back on your 'never again' stance, and can I just say - don't think like that! It may have sucked at the time, but that doesn't mean that your future group activities will be shit... I've only had a couple of experiences but they've been amazing, and I will never regret them. You'll find a couple to enjoy again one day!
p.s. I also know what you mean about mr man feeling left out - it's only natural for the ladies to become more involved ;o)
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